Sober living is super important in recovery.
But what if it isn’t possible right now?
Housing can be both expensive and hard to find. For some, a roommate might be a necessity to make rent payments. And sometimes, this means living with someone who doesn’t live a sober lifestyle.
Many Americans are regular alcohol users. The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) reported in 2019 around half of the people in the US said they used alcohol during the past month.
Problematic Drinking and Normal Alcohol Use: An Important Difference
It’s important to make a distinction before we move on. Not everybody who drinks alcohol has an alcohol use disorder.
That’s said, let’s clarify things a little. If you’re in recovery, do everything you can to avoid sharing a roof with binge or heavy drinkers – or people who regularly abuse drugs. We humans are hardwired to imitate behaviors and surrounding yourselves with people stuck in the mire of substance abuse is a recipe for failure.
That said, most recovering people find themselves with a more subtle challenge – living in close quarters with a person who functions around alcohol. They might have a cocktail after work, a beer or a glass or two of wine with a meal and cut themselves off at a bar.
It’s important to remember that cutting off any and all interaction with people who occasionally drink is unrealistic and impossible. And yet, it’s still a risk factor – as we mentioned earlier, it’s easy to imitate the behaviors of others.
So if you’re unable to find a sober living solution, or are currently conducting a search for one (you’re on a great website for it!), we’ve provided a few helpful tips on how to manage your living situation in the meantime.
Make Sure Your Friends Understand Where You’re Coming From
If you’re moving in with friends, that’s great – but there’s a few things to consider. First, if your friends are still engaged in substance abuse, dump them. Your recovery has to come first.
Secondly, make sure they get your perspective. Recovery is a giant life change which has made foundational changes to how you interact with the world and with others. Real friends will understand and respect it. If they can’t? Maybe it’s time to rethink a few things.
Resources? You Have More Than You Know
We’re going to step out on a limb here and say like most recovering people, you’re really into it. 12-steps, other support groups, doing fun sober hangouts … these aren’t just things which keep you on the right path, they’re a support network.
You know people who share your values and your sober living lifestyle. They’re probably seeking like-minded roommates – or know others who are – and are likely in the same situation you’re in.
Having someone walking alongside you in recovery is truly invaluable. Find a person like this as a sober living partner, and you’re set.
Be Specific When It Comes To Roommates
Digital home-hunting comes with certain downsides, but a definite upside is being able to be very granular when it comes to searching for roommates. On sites like Roommates.com and Craigslist, you can be very specific when looking for someone to live with.
Make sure people understand you take recovery seriously. Be upfront about how you want a roommate who doesn’t use drugs, drink or is willing to only drink outside of the house.
This requires time and patience, so it may not be the most realistic plan for some. Sticking with it will help it pay off, though.
Establish Boundaries & Stick To Them
Let’s say you can’t find a roommate who’s 100% sober. Deep breath: it’s not the end of the world. In this case, the best thing to do is to set boundaries from the jump and keep them.
If you’re eating at the same table, politely insist you don’t want any open bottles of liquor around. Not an option? Consider eating at different times from your roommate. Consider asking that liquor bottles and containers be stored away from common areas or areas where you spend time. With appliances like refrigerators, maybe claim a shelf or a section for yourself and request alcohol never be stored there.
Remember it’s your roommate’s area, too. You always have the option to hang out away from home with any sober friends you may have. Your roommate is only your roommate; they’re not your friend and you have no obligations towards them other than rent.
Always Be On The Lookout
Your current living arrangement doesn’t have to be your “forever home.” If things aren’t working out with your roommate – sober or otherwise – it’s okay to find other places to live.
Don’t beat yourself up. Remember, you’ve come a long way. Recovery is a hard but rewarding path to walk; you’ve survived and have emerged from your bad old days a stronger, more resilient person. Keep on being strong, work whatever programs you’re in, and keep on going.
About that home search: if you’re reading this blog, you’re on the right path. SoberLivingNearYou.com is your best tool to find reputable, attractive sober living solutions near you. Our guide will show you what’s available and within your budget in a matter of clicks.
Call us today if you’re looking for help or advice with your ongoing recovery!
